too awesome?

The thing about shopping at The Loopy Ewe is that Sheri might actually be TOO good.

See, it's not unusual to get your click-and-ship about an hour after placing an order. So, when I mistakenly place an order on a Friday - when she will be gone for the weekend - I get all twitchy waiting for that email. The one that won't come until Tuesday, most likely.

At the same time, I can place an order on Amazon and not receive a shipping confirmation email for two weeks and think absolutely nothing of it.

I'm glad that she's that good but, man, I am antsy. Maybe I should have made the order on Wednesday or Thursday... like I was planning to. (And here I was, all proud of myself for resisting the siren call of TLE.)

and you still wear a cross; and you think you're gonna get in

My entry today was not my story to tell. I enjoyed writing it, but I feel like I can't post it publicly. So I'm going to cut-and-paste the introduction portion because it's something I haven't really talked about since it happened exactly three months ago. And I just want to say that, despite the immediate impact of the following, that was only one of the million very important things that stuck with me from this Tibetan Buddhism class. Interestingly, one of the things I learned was that my own story is the only story I have the full right to tell. I must use strict discretion otherwise. (Also that, given the magic of our lives, that should be more than sufficient.) I've been struggling to put that into practice and I'm proud to say that today, even though I really did try to tell this story, I realized that it would be completely wrong to do so. That being said, my entry fragment for today:

Approximately 24 hours after leaving a lecture on the impermanence of life, I was walking to dance class when I was struck by a car. In my purse, I carried my school key card and ID, my cell phone, my wallet, my iPod, other miscellany, and my copy of Words of My Perfect Teacher, bookmarked to the chapter on impermanence (because I am always at least that much behind in my readings).

I know this is going to sound like I’m lying or that I’m just trying to glorify my own intelligence. I’m not. I frankly think my mindset at the time was really, really stupid. I didn’t go into a fight-or-flight mode, which REALLY could have prevented a lot of injury/time at the hospital. No. I looked at the car that was about to hit me, and then I laughed. Because, maybe the word I’m looking for isn’t exactly “irony,” but it was damn close. I believe my professor had suggested that we don’t know when we’re going to get hit by a BUS, but hey. A car’s close enough for me. And, honestly, watching my purse, containing that symbolic representation on that lecture fly from my arms in that moment was just downright funny. (Besides, who the hell gets hit by a car?) I sat in the street, muddy, injured, but alive. So I continued to laugh. (I can say with near-absolute certainty that my laughing instead of crying seriously hindered my ability to get help – and the EMTs were downright rude because of it. But I was alive. Is it really reasonable to cry during what was, thus far, the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life?)

I will never forget that lecture on impermanence and I’ve actually developed a slightly superstitious attitude toward that book but I haven’t much thought about that strange coincidence much since the five hours I spent in U of M hospital. (I was bored. What do I think about when I’m bored? Coincidences. I am such a conspiracy-theorist it hurts.)

first impressions; more often right than wrong

“It was a queer, sultry summer, the summer they electrocuted the Rosenbergs, and I didn’t know what I was doing in New York.”

I tell everyone that my favorite opening line from a book is from Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar, but I think sometimes that’s false. The thing about that line from The Bell Jar is that, whenever I want to quote it, I always have to grab my book and look it up.

There’s another line though, one that’s stayed in my head since eighth grade. I sometimes think that I learned that opening line before I ever read it.

“When he was nearly thirteen, my brother Jem got his arm badly broken at the elbow.”

I don’t know why that line sticks in my head. It’s what comes to me when I’m struggling to begin a paper or ‘blog post or whatever. It’s in the back of my mind whenever I’m trapped in a conversation with a stranger and the small talk has long been exhausted. It was the first thing that came to mind when I was writing those college admissions essays about my “favorite book.” It’s just ever-present.

Which is strange.

I adore Plath and I adore any mention of the Rosenbergs and I generally feel like that should be the line that’s in my head. It’s not.

And it’s not that I dislike To Kill a Mockingbird. That book is dear to me. It’s just not what I want attacking me from all angles.

After a year spent with Mrs. Robinson stuck in my head, I should know that we don’t really have much say in the things that our brain picks up. Still, I resent my brain for its decided lack of logic in the To Kill a Mockingbird selection.

(However, it’s probably a good thing it’s To Kill a Mockingbird. The Bell Jar bums me out. I’d hate to have it assaulting me at every turn, I guess.)

anywhere but here

Today is April 19th. I’m pretty sure that means today is the day I list 19 things I would rather be doing than reading my Political Science textbook (for the second time – hello, nerd).

1. Working on my paper. It feels much more immediate. I know this feeling is Wrong as the quiz I am reading for is tomorrow morning and the paper is due on Wednesday but, honestly, there’s something about rereading that makes you feel like you’re losing value just by turning pages.

2. Watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Because when do I not wish I was watching Buffy?

3. Replying to comments and other internetty social interactions. My inbox is kind of filling up and I’m plugging my ears and singing “nah nah nah, I can’t hear you.” This doesn’t really do much because, fortunately, my inbox isn’t verbally nagging me. However, I’m still having nightmares about internetty people hunting me down for my lack of Being a Sociable Person.

4. Knitting socks. I’m almost done with the second in a pair and that part is always the most fulfilling for me. I am not one for second sock syndrome. No, I CRAVE the second sock.

5. Reading the dictionary. I would be getting more out of reading the dictionary.

6. Honing my Frisbee skills. Or, rather, obtaining Frisbee skills as I don’t actually have any to hone.

7. Socializing, period.

8. Buying pants. I’ve come to admit to myself this weekend that, for me, the Freshman Fifteen was really the Freshman Negative-Fifteen and I need smaller pants. I’m 4’11” and lost something like fifteen pounds this semester. It’s what happens when you’re a vegetarian who is living off of salads and Cheerios.

9. Reading. A real book. Not The Iliad. I’ll even settle for Dr. Seuss.

10. Taking the stupid quiz I’m preparing for. The actual taking of the quiz is always a million billion times less painful than the preparation. It’s like going to the dentist. I legitimately prefer to get cavities filled than to anticipate getting them filled.

11. Baking cookies. I like cookies. I like to bake. It’s really a win-win situation. Except for the part where I’m at school, “studying.”

12. Learning the dance to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” music video. I’m not even remotely familiar with this dance and I feel like it’s something I should Know.

13. Traveling around Europe.

14. Taking all of my big, heavy textbooks and building a little podium out of them. I would stand on this podium and perfect the poses of various Greek statues only I would have arms. It would be genius. I could get my roommate to photograph them.

15. Ordering stuff off the internet. I mean, just in general. I wish I had money to buy stuff. I didn’t have money before I bought the iPhone. Now I have even less.

16. Texting my best friends seventeen times in a row letting them know everything I am thinking as I am thinking this. Never mind, actually. I’m already doing this.

17. Watching Mean Girls. It’s been a while and I kind of haven’t felt the Tina Fey love as strongly since I’ve been doing the Joss Whedon thing. She and I need to rekindle our love.

18. Wishing it was the 28th.

19. Drawing all over Ann Arbor streets with sidewalk chalk.

in which I wave my nerd flag

As I write this, I’m sitting in the lone Starbucks in my hometown, writing my term paper for my Political Science class. Or, rather, I’m working on that paper in between text messages to my friends, sentences written in this ‘blog post, and compulsively checking Facebook and Twitter. (Incidentally, as of this writing, it’s taken me two minutes to write nearly 100 words of this compared to the forty-five minutes I’ve spent churning out 319 words of my paper. I do, in fact, have very clear priorities.)

So this paper is bringing me back to the first ‘blog post I wrote this month. The one about how my academic advisor told me to start journaling. She wanted me to really get to know myself and my reasons for my major, my future, my entire life. Which is pretty reasonable, I guess, but I do think it would help if I was really certain about any of those things. It’s hard to come up with arguments for or against something when you don’t really care which way the argument swings, you know?

Well, in preparing to write this paper, I had to collect and analyze a significant amount of data from both the 2004 and 2008 presidential elections. In analyzing this data and the differences between the two data sets, I came to found that, while I am not a data nerd per say, I am certainly an election data nerd. I’ve found this to be one of the more interesting papers I’ve been assigned in my academic life. (Interestingly, through this, I’ve learned that having an interest in the paper topic doesn’t necessarily translate to me actually writing the paper. Funny how there’s absolutely no correlation between interest and efficiency. The only variable that seems to matter is whether or not it’s school work: If it is, it won’t get done. Simple as that, unfortunately.)

While I haven’t exactly been transforming data into arguments, I’ve been sitting here in wide-eyed amazement at how unbelievably cool these figures are. Did you know that, according to data from CNN.com, the income gap completely reversed? As in, voters who earned more than $50,000 a year voted for Obama and those who earned less than $50,000 turned out for McCain? The gap was slim but this was pretty unprecedented. Now I’m left with the task of explaining this disparity and I’m kind of loving the brainstorming process.

And, I think, this is why I’m a Political Science major. Because, honestly? What else with someone who loves pouring over election data do with her life?

to keep in mind

This is cheating. I know it’s cheating. But I’m having a really hard day and maybe I’ll explain the reasoning for this post tomorrow or on April 28, when my life starts to get easy again. But, right now, I need to be reminded of some of the stuff I said nearly a year ago. See, in May of 2008, I stood up in front of over 3000 people and gave the following speech. The real crux of what’s important to me (then and now) comes in the third paragraph, but I’m giving it all, for context. I need to give myself a dose of perspective and I’m starting with this:

At one point or another, most of us have had the opportunity to sit in one of ____’s math classes, or in ____’s Humanities class, or in ____’s Economics class. We’ve sat there learning SOH CAH TOA, or three different kinds of columns, or the opportunity cost of coming to class.

Now, school is supposed to be about learning but I think that the experience of learning can go far beyond SOH CAH TOA, Greek architecture, or opportunity cost. I mean, I’ve learned so much more in those classes, and beyond, in the past four years, that I couldn’t possibly claim that going to school is just about passing math or Humanities or Economics.

During my time at High School, I’ve had the time to talk with and, more importantly, listen to people that are far more intelligent than I. And through these people I’ve learned that test scores aren’t the only things that matter, that we don’t all need to know where we’re all going to be in ten years or even in ten minutes, that not everyone wants the same things out of life, that you’re not defined by the school you go to or even by the school you don’t go to, and that the ability to make someone laugh means so much more than the ability to make them cry.

So, I guess that I’ve learned a lot in this school, with these people, but that’s not all. Perhaps the biggest thing I’ve learned here is to “stand for something.” “Stand for something or you’ll fall for anything,” right? That’s been pounded into my head for four years. In fact, it was the last thing said to me before the final bell rang on my last day of school. “Stand for something, Kaitlyn.”

I’m pretty sure that was said in jest, but it’s probably the best piece of advice or knowledge that I have to pass on. I could stand up here and try to explain SOH CAH TOA or my outlook on the future but those are things that I’d either be horrible at explaining or you’d just have to go out and see for yourself.

But I can say that all of us have the amazing opportunity in front of us to be able to go enter the world. We have the opportunity to teach, the opportunity to learn, the opportunity to listen, and the opportunity to stand for something. And that is really, really awesome.

data recovery

I frequently find myself in a position where I’m engaged in a very deep and intense argument with a friend or family member (or random person on the street – I really don’t discriminate when it comes to picking debates; I’m an equal-opportunity jerk) and I’ll find myself trying to counter one of their (clearly wrong) points with something “I read somewhere.”

With most astute interlocutors, backing my argument with evidence that I can’t quite place just doesn’t quite fly. They’ll ask, “How do you know that’s not something you picked up from The Colbert Report? He’s not always the most literal of sources!” And I can only retort with, “Well, it just doesn’t seem silly enough to be from the Report!” And then I’ve lost the argument due to lack of credibility.

I am one of those people who have both the gift and the curse of being able to remember the most useless information. Only the stuff that will come in handy if I’m in one of the aforementioned debates or if I were to ever be a contestant on Jeopardy. Unfortunately, my grain silo of useless information doesn’t have a special place to store the source of the information.

This recall generally serves me well on tests although, like I said, my information retained usually has little to no useful value. (However, I always found that I was naturally adept at History in high school – because what is it but a series of random facts? I would make an excellent History major if I wasn’t so determined to major in everything else.)

I think the point of this is that I’m writing a paper for my Political Science class right now and it’s kind of important that I make actual, legitimate, cohesive arguments. Too bad I remember the bulk of the reading but can’t place any of it. (We’ve read some 20 articles in addition to two small texts and the textbook. I have a lot of possible sources for my information.) And I need to figure out why I know this stuff. Not only to site in my paper but to actually be able to USE it in my paper because I honestly don’t know if some of the stuff I know is actually true – and I won’t know it until I find it in the books. Thus, I have to do more reading than I would otherwise prefer.

I know this really isn’t a very good ‘blog and I know it’s short but, honestly, that paper is consuming my soul (and all this typing is killing my fingers). My goal for the rest of the evening is to just take some time to recover my soul, my mind, and my fingers. After all, I only have 870 words left to go in this thing!

I registered for classes and got everything that I want. It was amazing. (Typo: Amaizing. I’ve only been at this school for eight months and I am already programmed to make everything blue and maize.)